June 2009
6 posts
Cover. Count it.
Emails From An Asshole
Txts Frm Last Nght
(703): fucking a dude (703): i mean: fucking a, dude (703): wow, that comma made all the difference there
Sometimes you see things like this and you think “Wow Beave! The world sure is a swell and neat-o place!”
Other times you see things like this and wish that you had died on the toilet as a result of a thromoboembolism due to the inability to properly move your bowels long before you ever got the chance to truly enjoy the experience of kissing a girl for the very first time.
The...
May 2009
26 posts
3 tags
The Thursday Threespot
Just like the plague or any album released by Coldplay, summer movie season is officially upon us and there is nowhere to hide.
With no absolute slam dunks like The Dark Knight or Wall-E on the horizon, I figured I would take a couple of minutes to wade through the toxic waste dump of sequels, re-treads and Wayans Brothers projects to talk about three movies that I’m actually excited to pay...
It still weirds me out that this movie is over 10 years old. It seems like only yesterday I was watching it in this girl Tara’s basement while my dumb friend Derek kept trying to feel her up.
Two other things: 1. Go immediately listen to The Replacements song the movie is named after. 2. Denise Fleming is a tampon.
3 tags
You Make The Call
You guys remember those old stupid NFL commercials right? Great! Let’s move on.
Well, just in case you don’t, they were ads they used to run during games where they would show you a play and let you assume the role of the referee and try to predict the outcome (or in the case of Ed Hochuli, tear telephone books in half with your mind).
So I figured I would roll through a couple of...
3 tags
And The World Would Be A Better Place Without...
People Who Want To Be Vampires
It was bad enough when I was in High School and it was just two or three weirdos who worked stage crew and would get together every Friday night to recite Interview With The Vampire to each other. These days it seems it is an all out pandemic.
Gone is the golden era of the 90’s when only one out of every twenty five or so episodes of Maury Povich was...
It appears as though Play Him Off, Keyboard Cat mania is currently swiffering the nation (they even talked about it on The Soup last weekend). So do yourself a favor and check the site out so you can impress all of your friends and co-workers with your vast knowledge of the internet for the next five seconds or so until something else as ridiculous and totally not socially relevant comes...
What if historically significant people posted on FMYLIFE?
Reblogged via fmylife:
“The other day I was trying to get all my friends for dinner and I ended up having to feed them both my blood and my body. One of them betrayed me now I am hung in between two thieves for apparently trying to be King of the Jews. Thanks Dad, FML.”
“Tried to go to the White people highschool today. They were...
3 tags
Here Come The Hawks...
I just had to take a second to talk about just how awesome the resurgence of the Blackhawks has been.
See, I grew up in a hockey family. Not a hockey family like the Hulls or the Staals or the Hansons or anything, but a hockey family none the less.
My Grandfather used to work for the Blackhawks (long before I ever met him). And my parents spent a good portion of their first dates camped out in...
Cameron Crowe’s Top 10 (Or So) Music Moments in Film
3 tags
The Thursday Fivespot
So after a mere three years of dating Rachel and I finally had the Celebrities That You’re Allowed To Sleep With List conversation last Friday when we were out to dinner.
Figuring this would be the best opportunity to post this without her punching me, I had to carpe diem all over this shit.
Bear in mind this is no way any type of suggestion of whom you should try and pick for your own...
If you currently live anywhere near a grocery store that stocks these I suggest you immediately stop what you’re doing (because I’m about to ruin…) and go pick them up.
3 tags
The Wednesday Profile
Full Name: Ian Edward Gegenheimer
Nicknames: E, Eber, The Eradicator
Known Affiliations: Inventory Manager for Christopher Ranch LLC, Drummist for Cmn ineed yr hlp, Owner of a massive record collection, Smoker of Parliaments, Drinker of Diet Cokes, Uncle to Willis, Wearer of duct tape hats, Little Brother.
Origin of Relationship: Doing the old subtract nine months from the date of his birth...
Best. Worst. Trailer. Ever.
3 tags
There Are Dark Shadows On This Earth, But It's...
In a world where the St. Louis Cardinals are curently in first place in the NL Central and Kristen Bell is actually dating Dax Shepard (barf), it’s easy to feel awash in a sea of evil. However, it’s important to remember there is just as much good.
With that in mind…
Awesome Thought of the Day:
I woke up this morning and did the still sort of groggy, stretch and take a few...
Eyes by Rogue Wave
WatchReblogged via thefuncooker
3 tags
Life After People
Just in case any of you guys missed Life After People, which I’m sure you didn’t (you crazy kids with your iPhones and your Facebooks and your History Channels), here are a couple of really cool pictures of what they think Chicago might look like 10,000 years into the post-apocalyptic disinegration of urban civilization.
Stark prediction of the future or just an artist’s...
Reprobate’s Resume by Les Savy Fav
3 tags
And The World Is A Better Place With...
Just like Statler and Waldorf from The Muppet Show (the two grumpy old men who sat in the balcony shit talking everyone) even I need to take a break from being cantankerous every once in awhile and just take a step back from all the hatred.
With that in mind, I’ll drop a little knowledge this week and tell you guys about one of the absolute coolest human beings on the whole entire planet...
Always Love by Nada Surf
Reblogged via fmylife:
Today, I overheard my mother and sister talking so I stopped to eavesdrop. I recently enlisted in the Marines, and they were talking about what they would do with the money if I died. FML
3 tags
I Like School, It's a Good Way to Kill Time...
There is this apartment building across the street and a little south from my house. When I stand on my front porch I can see directly into the living room of the 1st Floor unit that’s on the southwest side.
Lately I’ve become super intrigued because it seems that the person who resides there is my television soulmate.
If I hop out for a cigarette during 30 Rock, they’re...
April 2009
52 posts
And so it begins (again). Apparently Games One and Four are only going to be shown on the Versus Network though, so adjust accordingly.
Bulls also take on the Celtics tonight for Game Six at The UC. Expect another classic, assuming the refs don’t thoroughly suck it (again).
After These Messages We'll Be Right Back...
Willis and I were going to go with Rachel on a mini-vacation (since she’s in Madison, WI for work the next couple of days) but the hotel ended up being total dicks about it at the last minute and demanded a gigantic, non-refundable dog deposit.
So instead I’ve decided to take a couple off days to get a bunch of errands/busy work done and catch up on some other things that...
3 tags
And The World Would Be A Better Place Without...
So the last couple of Tuesdays I took aim at a couple of subjects that were probably the equivalent of challenging a bunny to a thumb-having contest.
Everyone with ears knows that Brokencyde is a terrible band. Just as everyone with eyes knows that the only people who wear Ed Hardy t-shirts are either mentally disabled or from Indiana (Same difference? Zing!).
This week I figured it was time to...
Old Fashioned Rump Shaker by The Hood Internet
3 tags
Armageddon Out Of Here
I re-blogged the post from illinoisairship because it’s awesome.
It also reminded me of when I was in 4th Grade and I used to sit in Mrs. Eckstein’s class and daydream for hours about what I would do if ninjas and/or terrorists were to drop down through the air conditioning vents.
I would try and figure out what would be my best escape route. Who I would choose if they were to...
I Want by Face to Face
I was thinking of grabbing a little lunch. Anyone care to join me (Nicole Torres, I’m looking in your general direction)?
3 tags
No Time For Love, Dr. Jones
I wish I had one of those dogs that would patiently run along next to you while you ride your bike (kind of like this one). I would totally take Willis to the lake today, maybe pick up a Paul Feig book and a sandwich on the way and just sit by the water and read for a few hours.
Knowing him though it would take about eight seconds for him to somehow get his head stuck in-between the spokes.
So...
Hyper Enough by Superchunk
3 tags
The Thursday Fivespot
It’s Thursday, so that means The Fivespot. It is absolutely gorgeous outside right now and Spiderman 3 is doing very little toward aiding in the distraction of Willis, so let’s get right to it.
Top 5 Awesome T-Shirts Available On TopatoCo.Com:
5. America Okay Sometimes Shirt
What better way to lazily and half-heartedly support your country than with this t-shirt? Whether...
Let’s Hear It For Love by Smoking Popes
The Decline of Babel Myth
matte painting by Frederic St Arnaud
3 tags
The Wednesday Profile
Full Name: Mark “Tom Petty Rules, Bob Dylan Drools” Oster
Nicknames: Marko, Moster and Rachel often refers to him as Pretty Mark.
Known Affiliations: Options Trader, Proprietor of The Union Rock Yards, Bassist for Cmn ineed yr hlp, Bassist for Wind or Ghost, Member (along with my Father and the Dad from Family Ties) of the People I Think Should Always Have Beards Club, Total Jew.
...
Penelope by Pinback
Add my girlfriend, my dog, a speedboat full of cheese fries and this is exactly where I want to be right now.
3 tags
And The World Is A Better Place With...
Goddamn you Stuff White People Like. Goddamn you straight to hell.
I was brainstorming last week about what I could write that I can’t fucking stand as much as Brokencyde when the perfect idea hit me. I worked on the post a bit over the last couple of days and pretty much had it all set and ready to go until I just happened to meander on over to SWPL today and see pretty much the exact same...